My weekend in a nutshell: Warning! Venting here

Yammer · 01-22-2007, 01:28 AM

September 22nd, 2007 is my wedding date. My fiance's name is Terry (or Theresa actually) and we've been together for about 5 years (I say about because we broke up for a year but kept fooling around) and I proposed to her last March.
So, we have months to go for the wedding but the planning takes a lot of time and effort. Now, my hat is off to Terry since she has really been doing the brunt of the planning. She asks my opinion but basically I try and just support her choices because honestly guys, weddings are for the ladies. I am not trying to a dick but girls dream about the wedding they want and how it will look. I was asked my opinion on what colours I will be wearing since Terry picked Hunter green and Harvest gold (Kinda like the Minnesota Wild colours I guess) and since the wedding is in the fall, the colours are perfect. Because I have such a love for the City of Edmonton, instead of numbering our tables, we are going to name the tables after early neighbourhoods or streets with little blurbs of facts written by me, since imho I haven't met a single person who could stump me on a street name, neighbourhood, park name, etc or history of the city.
We have our wedding party picked out. Terry has ordered her dress and is making up a date for all her bridesmaids to go for fittings of their dresses. I've started to do the same with my groomsmen and the tuxedo fittings.
Terry's dad has started to come around and help us out more and more. He's giving me some piece work on framing houses while I am off for the winter and waiting callback to work at the Public School Board in Edmonton, rather than go work for the City again. He bought us a car to help out. He offered to buy us a new living room set for Christmas, but his ****ing wife stepped in and nixed that idea. He sat down with us before Christmas and said he felt bad for not being there while Terry and her brother were growing up (he was a drunk and abusive and Terry's mom left him) and never paid child support. He wanted to right the wrongs he's done and felt paying for his only daughter's wedding was a start. "Plan the wedding you want, Theresa. Spare no expense and there is no budget."
Well his wife, Terry's stepmom, was NOT happy with that statement. She hates the fact her husband has 2 kids from a marriage before and feels that only the two sons she has with him should get everything.
So the same time he says no budget and whatever, she writes Terry a $1000 cheque, which shocked all three of us, since she is a cheap money hording ****.
We found a perfect hall for us to have our cerimony and reception in and it only cost us $200 for 2 rooms! I mean how can you argue with that? Well, her stepmom did. First the price of the alcohol. Then it didn't look elegant enough. Then we had too many people on a guest list, as we were planning for 150 people were told that was max, which is fine. So Terry starts getting stressed because she asked for the $200 for the deposit on the hall and her stepmom grossed her out. Says that it isn't fair that only they have to pay for everything. Says Terry's mom and my mom should chip in. That's fine but Terry's mom is in debt pretty bad just to raise Terry and her brother without child support for 18 years or so. My mom raised 4 kids at the age of 38 when she lost her husband, my father to cancer when he was 39.

A few days later, her dad called and said the hall was fine because he "researched" it some more. So now they get more involved in the planning. Saying Terry's mom is limited to the people she can invite because she isn't pitching in. Her dad said that but he's a ****ing puppet. So Terry's mom is pissed at this but I am fine with it. Terry's mom's hobby is a family tree which goes back to 1467 or some shit. So if she made a list... we'd need to win the lottery.
Yesterday was alright as we went to a store and registered some gifts. Today was hell.
For some reason no one ever comes to our house. I mean no one. Her brother is afraid of the neighbourhood thinking his $13000 Sentra would get jacked when my neighbour has a $65000 Silverado truck. Go figure. Her mom is a hermit and rarely goes out of the house if it isn't for work or groceries. So we always have to go over there. And I mean always. My mom wants us to visit her all the time which gets annoying after awhile. Now Terry's dad starts in.
We have to drive 15 minutes to his house (her mom lives 5 minutes by car and my mom is just blocks away) to talk about the wedding list and plans. Our wedding, but WE have to make the effort to go to someone else's house.

So I am already pissed about this. Then I find out that Terry's stepmom wants confirmation that her and Terry's dad are the only contributors to the money front. Ok, now I am pissed even more.
We get there and her stepmom (Janice) is already in somewhat cranky mood (****ing shocker there since she has a permanent stick in her ass) but her dad is in good spirits.
So we sit down and we're talking and Janice says our budget is $6000. Terry looks hurt and confused and I can see the stress starting. We didn't say anything. Then Janice starts talking about the guest list and now says the list is 100 people max. OK, we're even more pissed since we have like 125 people. I think Terry's dad could see I was pissed and getting even more and more as the seconds ticked off the clock. So Janice is looking at our list asking who this person is and who this person is. She looks at my guests and asks. So I tell her. I didn't invite like my 3rd cousin Jimmy twice removed or whatever. I invited some good friends and my immediate family. I'm talking like my paternal grandfather and maternal grandmother. My dad's sister and her kids and their kids. My dad's brothers and their kids. My mom's sisters and their kids. My mom's brother and his kids. That's it. I think all in all I have 45 people. I can easily make it 200. So Janice starts talking about cutting some of my guests to fit more of hers in.

THAT'S IT!!1
I ****ing lose it.
"How dare you sit there on your ****ing high horse telling us who we can and cannot invite to OUR wedding! Listen you ****ing bitch, I know for a fact you cut the budget. I know for a fact you hate Terry and Sean (Terry's brother) because they aren't YOUR kids. They are your husband's kids and you should ****ing accept that. Your husband said he wants to pay for the whole thing because he is trying to right his wrongs and you sit there thinking that every ****ing house he frames is your money. His only daughter is getting married and you should let the man do what he wants with the money he works for! You think a decent wedding is worth $6000? Get your head out of your think ****ing ass you dumb Ukrainian whore (I'm Ukrainian too, so I can say that!)."

At this part, Terry's dad gets up, so I get up. He's got oldman strength and is about 230 and 5'8" but I am taller and outweigh him by 50 pounds. He yells at me but I cut him off.
"You say there 3 weeks ago and told us to plan the wedding we want. You said money is no issue. You said you were happy for us and wanted to give us a great wedding. Get your ****ing balls from Janice's purse and YOU decide on the money YOU make!"
He didn't appreciate this and I know it pissed him off.
I continued on saying how their bullshit cutting the corners here and here and changing their minds is stressing Terry out so bad she is literally losing her ****ing hair over it. He looks at Terry and she's crying so hard she almost throws up.
I told her dad to stick his "generosity" up his ass beacuse his paltry $6000 is ****ing horseshit.
So we got up and left. Terry is crying and she bought a bunch of comfort food. She was doing so well too. She was losing some weight and eating better and now... all that is gone because her ****ing **** stepmother.

I can understand them saying they don't want to spend so much money. But when you sit there and tell us you have over $100k in cash in the bank, and you make $22-35k per house you frame thanks to the Alberta economy right now, why should anyone think money is an issue for them?
I don't think that I over-reacted but I've been wrong before. Some say take the $6000 and be thankful. Its hard to do that when you were told more than once, no budget. Plan what you want. Spare no cost and then the rug is pulled out from under you. Now we weren't going to plan a huge wedding but we were hoping for at least a maximum of $15000 to work with.
So instead we have to cut costs on everything and even the invitations we wanted are too pricey according to Janice.

Terry and I are on a tight budget right now with me not getting full money while I am off work in the winter. We get by ok but we don't have cash coming out of our asses here. She's got $45k in student loans that have to be paid and thats in addition to $15k in credit card debt.
Add my $12k debt for traffic fines (two no insurance in Alberta is $8k alone) and my Futureshop bill of $3500 and we are trying to make ends meet. Now it seems we will be in debt longer just to pay for everything else that we have to pay for.
But, we should apply for passports... you know because her dad is thinking of sending us somewhere. Yeah, **** off.

This is my rant. Read it, or don't I could care less. I had to get this shit off my chest.

sonykid88 · 01-22-2007, 02:55 AM

i hope you don't mind someone someone pitching in there opinion, you wrote quite a bit, least you could get is one response, lol.

all i can say is terry's stepmom really has no reason to have a say in the matter. she's nothing to your girlfriend in terms of family, so she should just stay quiet in terms of planning. if she has a problem with the money issue, it should be with her husband, he can then relay on anything he has to say be it janice's opinion or his, to you and terry. or at least that's the way i think it should be done.

hope you don't mind me putting my two cents in.

Yammer · 01-22-2007, 03:23 AM

no, I appreciate it. Actually to give you some more info on Janice, she writes the cheques. See, Terry's dad has a framing company but Janice is like the accountant for the company so she feels she does have the last say in the money issues.

Rico · 01-22-2007, 03:09 PM

One word... ELOPE . Thats what my wife and i did . It wasnt even a big secret . We just told everyone that we didnt want to go through all the stress and crap of planning a wedding since weve seen what all our freinds went through over the years from getting married . Basically they went through the same ordeal as your going through Which seems to leave a bad taste . We went to Jamaica and got married on the beach . I didnt even know the guy who stood in as my best man . We partied for 2 weeks with complete strangers and it was the time of our lives . We didnt have to put up with weather to invite aunt Betty or not . We figuered that getting married is pressure enough . Why add the stress of a wedding lol .

rjbox · 01-22-2007, 06:34 PM

wow man, that shit sucks ass. I mean it sounds absolutely terrible. I hope all the best to you and Terry, no one should have to go through that kind of bullshit. I can only hope that when my girlfriend (Lynley) and I get married things will be alright.

Keep on slugging though Yammer, things in life will get better. You have a strong heart and are a very bold man, keep fighting and try to confort Terry as best you can during these times.

Oh and kick that bitch in the box next time you see her!

NUTZ_FOR_HOCKEY · 01-22-2007, 08:26 PM

Yammer, Don't let things make you upset or let you down ...it's your wedding too... Let them control it until you have your opinion and if they don't like it tell them why.

I could of posted like forty pages of do's and dont's, but Yammer you can do this...

Raven4986 · 01-23-2007, 05:20 PM

Ohhh man Drama, you should write a movie! hang in there Yammer

Yammer · 01-23-2007, 07:53 PM

OK, yesterday I called my father in law and we talked and I tried to get the budget up to $10k. He refused and kept asking why and whatever and I didn't want to have a repeat of Sunday so I just hung up. Terry and I talked last night and she was more upset that her dad kept saying that there was no budget so she wasn't sure how to plan for. Then it came in at $6000 and she felt we were going to go over budget. I love it when she gets mad and has a tough time talking so I try to talk for her and it causes more problems.
So I talked to her dad today and I apologized for overreacting and making it seem Terry and I were ungrateful and greedy. Yeah I can swallow my pride.
So he seemed to get a little happy that I apologized and he was offering to pay a little more than $6000 and even pay for a few things he shouldn't have to.

Now we have a different problem. He is going to rent two cars. Well we have 5 party members so I have to move 6 people in total for each car and he rents Crown Victorias. Well, who wants to ride in basically a cop car? lol. So Terry is going to talk to him. We can actually get some Navigators or Escalades for the same price. Whoa is me.

Eugene Power · 02-01-2007, 08:02 PM

Yeah that sucsk hard. I totally agree with you.

Here's my opinion of wedding:

First I'll never give my money to religion ever ! I agree that it's a women thing and if the girls of my dream wants to marry I'll arrange something intimate without the big ceremonies. But I think I can prove my love without throwin a 15K$ party :P